to forget you

i write
when the loneliness is too
loud
when the rain drops are too
soft

when the food loses its taste
when your voice loses its place
in my voicemail messages
from my neighbor and the people at direct tv

i wish i could direct your t- for time
and v for very warm embrace
that i can recall the place
of each muscle and each bone
and i alone
only took the time to memorize your body’s moves,

your body’s clues,
your moody, moody moods
i even adored the stankity, stank
from your attitude
and when your silence was crude
and you ceased to be the man
i thought that i would rather be beaten than leave
to the remnant of you I cleaved…
like even when i knew you were lying
i’d still believe

cause if you withdrew your kisses, i would thieve
them…
tie bright blue lights on them
and take them right down to the 33rd street jail
threaten to snitch your deepest secrets if they tell

hold them hostage like a terrorist…
and this has been the clearest
i’ve even thought... without,
without your hands on the remote control…
without your lap to hold me
without your throw pillows to console me,
without your cologne on my comforter
this is the dearest
clearest
closest
truest
i’ve gotten

to you,
while trying my best
to forget you.