He Completes Me... from the hopeless romantic

I don’t care if you know how addicted I am to loving him
I’m not going to hide this anymore
Like a snag in pantyhose or roach in my kitchen
I want to get soclosesorightnext to him
That I can see what he is feeling
And feel what he is thinking
And think like he is loving
like he is the only thing in my life
And I cannot exists without him
And maybe I cannot
Cannot exists
Because his love
It the only real thing I have to hold on to
To belong to, and what exactly is love
Is it my credit card bills being paid at a lower interest rate
Or traffic yielding to me
Or is it the job everyone wanted- but I was offered
what I would give to feel his presence
inside me- again
Not in the emotional high, butterflies in stomach, love sick
I find myself addicted to, but…
Him truly being pleased and in joy and present with me
But lately we’ve had many one sided dialogues
A few fights- of which I started
With me begging and pleading for what I want
God, I want a new car… and a motorcycle… and a raise at work
And him sighing patiently and still looking lovingly and knowingly
And giving freely… most of the stuff I want
Because he never gives it all-I’ve noticed, at least not at one time
And for a moment
I am still as a rain drop
Happy… pleased… a slice of cold watermelon
In 3 year old fingertips at a summer picnic
Or so it seems… but as quickly as storm clouds form
I am insatiable again
I want more
I crave it, phene it, cough like I can’t breathe without it
So I ask, returning to the position of junkie looking for pimp
This is not the type of relationship I dreamt we would have
Each time foolishly I ask for more of what he has
And forget to request more of him
Which is what I really wanted in the first place
And the longing for him stretches further than the earth is
from the farthest universe
Deeper than the color black is dense
Wider than eye of a toddler in awe
I want more and more and more of him
I don’t want to get to him
I want to him to be come one with me
Me- the hopeless because I can’t stop
Effing it up, romantic
I want the passionate love affair
That reads
NO, she is not she without he
I need him
Like the blood needs the heart and the brain needs the body
He completes me
I am not alive without
All of Him.
And you know,
If God liked loved poems,
this is the type of poem I’d write for Him.