Tuesday Prayer

there are beautiful things i am

yet many things i long to be

that look as sand, numbering a long country road with billowing trees and sweet, warm sun

for You, i long to be the woman you want me to be

i long to be fearless, faithful and bold

to speak to you with certainty that i have completed each task

not veering to what’s left but standing on what’s right

to say that i have opened the business that will spread education like light

that offer that i have contributed even to sacrifice to sustain my community

at times i imagine my soul is lustful

the more i accomplish, the more i desire

i can’t count the children i’ve taught

but how i desire to teach more and more and more

how i crave guiding and preparing the young

challenging them to think for themselves

longing for those I that I have prayed over the womb of

fasted for, long before their arrival was anticipated

there is more,

on cold nights i desire enough blankets to tuck in those that sleep outside

regardless of how and why they got there

i want a heart free of judgment and criticism

one that remembers no harm, forgives freely and readily offers grace

not just to strangers, but those that step on my feelings and plan my destruction

i want strong back muscles that glow golden on sticky summer nights

and a heart that worships, even when being hurt or pulled, when desperate and resting

i want more of You

more of You inside of me

i want people to get a glimpse of the breathe, the length, the depth of Your love

through these arms and the smile in these eyes

i want to hold someone in these arms and whisper good morning

but not just anyone... the one you design me to compliment

who looks just like You, when i see his heart

and my own heart desires to be your most honest example of the underdog

i want to know your voice perfectly, and trust it even though when i hear it

You are requesting that which i never feel i can do… good… enough

there is more i want to do through You and for You than i want from you

oh the desires of my heart are infinite because You are

infinite,

consuming because you are

consuming,

perfect because you are

perfect

and if this life is what you want from me,

i long for the love to complete it and the heart to enjoy it.