watch your back Eve

Him: did u talk 2 your man yet

Her: we've had some running dialogues

Her: i'm gonna publish them next year

Her: don't be shocked when you purchase the book

Him: what, are we talking about the same thing?

Her: maybe, probably, and a little

Him: lol, you’re crazy

Her: true… the book will tell it all

Her: if more women wrote about their experiences... more dudes would be inclined to do right

Him: not really because the guys that do wrong wouldn't pick up the book

Him: and remember, a guy can only go as far as a woman will let him

Him: when u see something, nip it right then, don't hope for change in time

Her: but why must they try women??? why are men like puppies to be trained?

Her: personally, i’m over being Inspector Gadget and having to do this investigative research

Her: where is the integrity?

Her: be who you say you are and stop all the false advertising

Him: but it’s not all the guy’s fault

Her: why not?

Her: it's not the woman’s fault for believing lies

Him: most of the time women know its bull-crap they are hearing, they just want love too bad so they put up with anything

Her: why do they lie?

Her: women are just believing what they've been told

Her: it goes back to Eve

Him: everyone lies to a certain point

Her: why are men so deceptive to someone they allegedly love

Him: ehhhem…. what about Eve?

Her: deceived... she just believed what she heard. nobody told her, here the garden of paradise... watch your effing back

Him: but it was Adam’s fault, the bible said through one man’s sin, sin enter the world

Him: Adam made a choice to follow her when the man should lead

Her: i don't disagree... i just want to know why did eve have to get lied to... nobody told her she would even have to watch out for that

maybe this is payback

he lies

yet i still want him with intention

like a newborn wants a bottle

or a cook wants a stove

or cop wants his pension

i can’t seem to stop loving this… charade

i‘ve invested so much into this dream of a man i’ve made

i’m addicted i’m afraid

to an evil worshipping warrior/ heartbroken renegade

he counts each call i did not make

each promise to God that i had to break

each night i would not take

him

into my nurturing place

he’d push off my body and leave behind this cold, cold empty image of a face

for me to feel uncomfortable underneath

though he cuddled my breast

back to him, eyes open, feeling his chest,

heart beating, aloud, searching for

rest

sometimes i think i will never get any good

sense,

will

or power-

authority

strong enough to

cast him into his reprieve

you cannot know how i wanted him and cleaved and cleaved

it is me who

will not allow him to leave

me

alone

every new lie he tells is old, but i still believe

foolish- i believe,

i believe

and he cannot conceive

the anguish he’s birthed

the stress i’ve assumed

injected in the womb

i pray i don’t always,

always have to play a fool that is consumed

lie in the room

feeling embarrassed

about my state of

emp-ti-ness

i am always the pair playing with one less

though my companion is right there

who knew i’d love a man that would not,

could not

care

the whole time i am poured out like Shultz from an aluminum can and a brown paper bag

like the mom who can’t recall what she says so she nags and she nags

i’ve suddenly forgotten- i have no clue

i am absolutely at a lost with what i was called to do

more precious than rubies, diamonds and gems

why was i still there,

why was i still lying next to him…

then it hits me, like a high chokes a smoker

slow and easy, smooth and breezy,

i am positive

i have so much love to give

so many days i wanted to cook, clean and sacrifice for someone else to…

live

i have an immense heart that becomes even more immense

when dispens-ing

care

an endless womb that is damaged

and

bare

there…

i said it

i have so much love bubbling over to

share

and i know he lies…

i know he does not change, he does not grow

i know he hurts the love i desire to show

maybe this is payback for the relationships i watched myself blow

but i cannot,

can not

i want to,

but i’ve never

let him go.